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07 July 2008 @ 04:44 am
Travel Altar  
Recently, I found myself spending a lot of time at my Momma's house. While the time I spent with my family was helpful, I found that something was missing. I finally realized that a lack of a small sacred space for myself was what I needed so I decided to place a few things in a drawstring bag to carry with me when I travel. I intend to perfect it (I know I won't always have a solid table top available to me).
For now, I will share what I've gathered thus far.

1.0, five photos.  )
 
 
Current Mood: curious
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 04:41 am
My very own wand!  
 
 
Current Location: Up too late
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Podcasts
 
 
07 July 2008 @ 04:23 am
prego question  
So last month I didn't get my period, I went off birth control in May. I took a pregnancy test TWICE and came up negative.

a few days ago I had sex, no protection and he came inside me.

now obv I'm expecting to be pregnant (which I'm fine with) but my question is, I have NO idea when I should be getting my period since I didn't get it last month and hardly the month before that. I checked my calender and it SHOULD come next week. So should I rely on that and take a test if I "miss" it or should I just pick a certain date and test then?
 
 
Current Mood: confused
 
 
07 July 2008 @ 12:00 am
Jeph Jacques  
"You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are."

 
 
07 July 2008 @ 12:00 am
George Tooker  
"Painting is an attempt to come to terms with life. There are as many solutions as there are human beings."

 
 
07 July 2008 @ 12:00 am
Anatole France  
"It is by acts and not by ideas that people live."

 
 
07 July 2008 @ 12:00 am
Dan McKinnon  
"Be aware that a halo has to fall only a few inches to be a noose."

 
 
07 July 2008 @ 10:01 am
 
WWII Commemorative Statue Unveiled In San Diego
SAN DIEGO (NNS) -- “Unconditional Surrender,” a 25-foot, 6,000 pound statue by world-renowned artist J. Seward Johnson commemorating a famous World War II photo was unveiled Feb. 10 at Mole Park in San Diego.

Unconditional Surrender is a three-dimensional interpretation of a photo taken by Alfred Eisenstaedt of a Sailor kissing a nurse in Times Square, New York City on Aug. 14, 1945, following the announcement of V-J Day.

From: http://www.navy.mil/search/display.asp?story_id=27774 (also has a photograph of the statue, though I bet we all know the original photograph of the sailor kissing the nurse)

There's something about this photograph that bothers me, and having read this article, it bugs me even more. From what I know about the circumstances surrounding the taking of the famous photograph, the couple on it were not a couple - the beauty of it is that people were so overwhelmed by happiness, they did things they normally wouldn't. So you had a young sailor grab a young nurse and kiss her passionately. I'm irked by the fact that it's okay and that it turned out to be one of the world's most famous images, but I am looking at the context in which this happened, and yes, given the circumstances, I'm being lighthearted about it.
But Ms. Shain's words (Ms. Shain is the nurse in the photograph) bothered me much more. About the moment of the kiss she says, “I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment like any woman would have done.” And I stripped the moment of the context and thought about the pure facts: here you are, walking down the street, suddenly this man grabs you, bends you over his arm, and kisses you. At any given day, this is called sexual assault and is a traumatic event. (On a personal level, ...been there.) I am bothered by Ms. Shain's saying that any woman would have enjoyed that because I guess I'm extending it over other cases of assault and no, I do not think a woman should believe she ought to enjoy such things.
I am also a little bothered by the statue's name - Unconditional Surrender - I know it refers to the circumstances surrounding the kiss, but there's something about these words being a title to a kiss - and notice the woman's position in the statue - that rubs me the wrong way.

Am I over-reading and over-interpreting this? Am I going to far? Am I messing with a holy cow here?
Please let me know what you think.
 
 
07 July 2008 @ 01:23 am
Meg  
It feels so odd to have a day pass where I think about calling Meg, and know that I can't.

I mean, I probably could...but what would be the point? Just to check in? I don't know.

I am continuing to have so many emotions about this, and I'm embarrassed that I feel so abandoned. I hate that I'm personalizing what is obviously her deal. I feel guilty, like if only I had been a better sponsee. If only I had called her more. And I'm angry at the disease which I am facing for the first time, and actually accepting could kill me if I let it. Maybe not in the manifestation of alcohol, but in other things.

The alcohol was never really the problem. I, and the way that I chose to deal with me and my life, was the problem. Alcohol just exacerbated the circumstances. And I'm understanding that if I am not determined and faithful to change my life, it will get me too.

Part of that is addressing the uncomfortable. I've started composing a letter to Meg:

My letter to Meg under here... )

There is such a sadness. I do feel a loss; is that wrong?

I've had a good day for the most part, but as I'm reading over this right now, I want to cuddle with an old teddy bear and just cry.

Tomorrow, I'll begin the work with my new sponsor. And I dread the process of learning to trust and open up to them, of putting my heart out on the table to have it smashed again.

This sense of loss is baffling. I wonder if this is even normal.
Tags:
 
 
Current Mood: sad
 
 
07 July 2008 @ 12:43 am
 


lets all become sociopaths! YAY!
 
 
07 July 2008 @ 01:25 am
 

so, i've been involved with a sagittarian for about two or three months. we're going to take things to the next level pretty soon here. it seems to be going good. it's a very understanding relationship and basically the only problem we have is the stereotypical cancer/sag one: he needs his space, and well, to put it lightly, i don't really need mine. lol but we're both adjusting.


any other opinions or thoughts are welcome! interested in hearing everybody's input on what may be to come..

me )

him )
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 11:31 pm
 
A review of the play, I am a Camera, was "Me no Leica."
 
 
07 July 2008 @ 03:40 pm
Dionysus  
This is my shrine to Dionysus
Read more... )
 
 
07 July 2008 @ 12:52 am
 
In the produce section of Walmart: "I've been on a big masturbation kick lately..."
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 09:55 pm
Pineapple-Banana Mini Pies!  
Well I was feeling a bit experimental today and came up with PINEAPPLE-BANANA MINI PIES! They're quick and easy, and meant to be cozy not perfect : )





Pineapple-Banana Mini Pies! )
 
 
Current Location: Ajijic
Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Nothing, just the rain.
 
 
07 July 2008 @ 01:08 am
Vagina odor and taste...  
Hey everyone. I was wondering if any of you know of any ways (food, drinks or anything else) that could change the smell or taste of a vagina for the better?

I have heard pineapple juice and vitamin c. Is there anything else that you know of?

Or anything else besides food/drinks?

Even something that just produces a neutral flavor?

The majority of my diet is iced tea, carbs (bagels, pizza, pasta) and chicken. I don't really have dairy or veggies much. So let me know if you have any pointers.

Thanks.
 
 
07 July 2008 @ 04:00 am
In Popular Culture  
Someday the 'in popular culture' section will have its own article with an 'in popular culture' section.  It will reference this title-text referencing it, and the blogosphere will implode.
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 11:56 pm
announcement!  
i love my siblings. a lot. they bring AWESOME music into my world.

ETA: AND hugga broomstik even has several videos up! this is my favorite of them, so far:

 
 
Current Music: "salmon song" - kung fu crime wave
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 09:48 pm
 
All in all, my nose has third degree burns. So worth it to have a week get a way with my girl. Hope you're all well, Onto the pictures...
Sea Friends )
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 09:25 pm
i have no idea how to use my vibrator.  
so yesterday i made my first trip to good vibrations and bought my first vibrator, the turbo glider. i was (am!) thrilled about it. so last night i'm in bed, gettin' ready to make a new best friend, when i realized something.

i have no idea what to do with it! i get the part where it vibrates and then you have a magical orgasm that doesn't involve finger cramps, but i'm missing all of the in-between. i mean...where should i start? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WITH THIS THING?! i really want this to work out...but i'm just really overwhelmed by it.

thanks all...i kinda feel like a nitwit for having to ask this, but hey, at least i have a medium in which to do the asking?
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 08:44 pm
In Brief  
Internet's been down.

Bobbi surfaced around [info]chirik and [info]lilyth_lindorie for an extended period. I was able to go away almost completely for some time, and let her at least control the body for the other. Still to scared to go "all the way". But getting better. I went that far and came back in one piece (ha ha), so it feels a little safer now.

What? Oh. Yeah. They talked to her about things, helped her feel better about not being the only one in here. She's getting better and standing up to me when I get selfish, too.

Realizing I have to deal with this and the others every day, not just in therapy and with friends. Can't just pretend I'm "normal" everywhere else. Otherwise their needs don't get met, and my needs CAN'T get met. We're getting better at fast-switching, and cooperating. Long way to go.

Saw Wall-E. It was really cute.

B feels SO ugly and dirty and unloveable. Can barely stand to feel it all at once it's so overwhelming. I'm trying to teach her "it's just a feeling, doesn't mean it's true." I forgot just how bad those feelings got for her. REALLY BAD. "They're just memories. It's in the past now."

Just like the memories in the Bad Place... We got close to there while awake for once, in bed during the day. Dark shadowy figure appeared in our psyche, looming over us. "Saw" it but didn't see it. She cried and cried and cried. I think I know where this is headed.

A phrase I think she unknowingly believes: "You don't love me unless you make a pass at me."

New friend had a birthday party, let's call her E. It was fun, she has nice friends. Those ugly feelings overwhelmed, we took a break from the party. Haven't talked to E about it, but I think she has an idea what's going on. Stayed the night, slept on the couch, had a nice dream. Didn't wake a total zombie for once. Just a partial zombie. We're getting better at not panicking in new situations and places.

Every minute of every day is a fight for loosening up the tension in my heart, countering the habit of closing it up, holding breath, clenching teeth. Keep breathing, keep heart open, keep feeling, even if it's scary. It won't be death. It's getting easier in time.
 
 
Current Mood: tired
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 11:32 pm
Self conscious about oral?/different kinds of orgasms  
I'm with a guy who is absolutely WONDERFUL in the bedroom. We have a really good sexual chemistry and it's just...fun! I used to find sex to be rather tiresome until he came around.
However, I cant seem to get past my body image.

I like to have sex, but as far as receiving oral sex is concerned, I'm really nervous about it. For some reason I have this silly thought that if we're having sex, he cant see as much of my body if he's on top of me than when he's going down on me. It's kind of ridiculous, since I'm sure nobody has sex with their eyes completely closed, but still...it irks me.

I say this because he really likes giving oral sex. He's told me this several times, but I'm still really weirded out by the idea. I start to like it, but my fears take over and I usually just move on to a different sexual act. I start thinking of what it must taste/smell like, what I look like, how weird my vagina looks, etc, and it usually kills it for me.
I also feel kind of...well, selfish for receiving all the attention. I don't like being in the 'spotlight', so to speak. I usually don't know what to do with myself either...I start noticing how quiet the room is or something, and then I'm way too freaked out to get into the moment.

I'd really like to enjoy this for once!
Is there any way to get past this? Some encouragement? Any tips on how to relax when this happens?

Also, I find that orgasming through 'outer' stimulation a lot more intense than being stimulated on the 'inside' (I don't know technical names, sorry!). Is this normal? Should I be experiencing the same kind of orgasm and I'm just not doing it right? Or can you have varying degrees of orgasm? I just find the feelings to be very different.

Thanks!
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 08:16 pm
normal vaginal discharge?  
During the past few days when I had sex, I discharged pretty heavily, but it wasn't constant. For example, i'd be pretty wet starting out, and a little bit in i'll notice a huge clump of creamy discharge out of nowhere. After this, it isn't nearly as much but still pretty creamy. I've had both yeast infections and bv before, and i'm pretty sure this is neither, it just is really random and i'm wondering if this is normal? This never really happens to me, either. I mean, when aroused my discharge does change in consistency, but never to this extent. Should I be worried?
 
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 10:08 pm
quick question  
When I pull a tampon out, especailly if it hasn't absorbed much blood, it gets like snagged on something when I pull it out, and sometimes makes a little little popping noise and then it comes out easily. Is it just that its getting stuck behind my hymen or something?

Also ; I know some foods can lower birth control effectivness. What are some really common things I need to avoid? Also any over-the-counter medications that would react to it? I just read about grapefuit in a past post. I'm so paranoid I'll have a favorite food and be snacking away on it and lowering my birth control. Is there a list somewhere?
 
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 10:37 pm
 


I decided I just have to share how awesome Rita Pavone is with everyone. For those who've never heard of her, she was an Italian singer and actor who started her career in the 1960s.

I'm bringing her up, of course, because I think it's incredible that when she began her career (at seventeen) she was a complete tomboy, and did most of her performances dressed in boyish clothing. And she was a huge hit.

You don't get the full effect 'til you see it in action, though:



She didn't always continue with the tomboy-ish style, but nonetheless, she's awesome. She even did a musical film in which she was a cowboy. I thought maybe somebody would enjoy this. Who knows.
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 09:30 pm
Oh great, another question  
 The last two times I've had sex, I've noticed afterward I am bleeding. The bleeding is not very heavy, but obviously noticeable. Usually takes about an hour to stop. The flow is similar to that of the very last day of my period, where I don't really need a tampon because it's so light. At first I just though I was getting my period early, but it stopped, and now it's happened again after sex. 

I'm looking it up online but wanted to know your all's opinions. Ever happen before to you? Thoughts on what it could be? If this normal?

Also I'll mention the sex was not particularly rough, I believe I was on top most of the time, but that's fairly normal. And there was no pain or discomfort.
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 10:05 pm
pleasure/pain in vagina?  
okay, so this just started happening today and I'm more than a little confused/freaked out/loving the whole situation.

In the past eight months or so, I've only been sexually active three times (two of those time being in the last two weeks. The most recent was on thursday). The last time it happened, I got put into a position that was a totally new angle for me, but it was good. We used a condom.

Flash forward to today, when I went to pee and noticed light red/brown-ish stains in my underwear. I've been on the pill for at least 5 years (i'm 21) and had my period regularly about two weeks ago. I should be getting it again in about a week. Although, I should mention that I've been pretty irregular with taking my pill lately, I do usually take it within four hours of the right time. I can honestly say I've never noticed any spotting in between periods for as long as I've been getting it. Anywho, when I started to pee, I felt the most INTENSE pressure on the inner, front wall of my vag. I've been drinking a lot of water today, and since about four in the afternoon, I've continued to feel the pressure when I've just been sitting around, although it's not as intense as when I pee. It's not necessarily bad pressure... it actually feels quite good. Anyway, I wipe and there's blood on the tp, sometimes small clots.

So... WTF? I honestly have no idea what is going on right now, and while the pressure is good, it's kind of freaking me out in an "OMGWTFBBQ" sort of way. I mean, my parents visited me today, and I felt more than a little awkward sitting there with a touch of the 'gasm in my pants, haha.
 
 
Current Mood: confused
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 10:11 pm
Said Turtle to the Cougar  
I
glanced in the glass at my
reflection
turned to you an' cried
I'm wearing prey animal colors

Do i smell like
rabbit
deer
woodchuck
since i started eating like them
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 06:40 pm
intro II  
harrow. :]
emily. 18. genderqueer. painter. musician. student.
smoker.
video game fanatic.
free spirit.

the face )
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 09:44 pm
On posture...  
I had top surgery 13 days ago, and part of my recovery process has involved realizing that a decade of hiding my chest (including four years of actual binding) has caused me to have absolutely awful posture. My shoulders are hunched forward and kind of rounded, and something about how I stand causes my belly to stick out far relative to my chest, even though there's hardly any fat on it.

I know that I'm going to have to retrain myself to have better posture, but do any of you guys have tips on how to do this? Is it just a matter of constantly being conscious of how I'm standing, or are there things (yoga? martial arts? Alexander technique?) that I can do that will require/reenforce better posture without only being about posture?

Thanks!
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 08:38 pm
 
Hey again guys. Greg, 20, pre-everything.

So I'm calling some therapists on Monday to see about getting a letter so I can start T. I'm pretty excited. :D

Some vanity )
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 04:14 pm
 
I'm not sure how much of a post this will be, but I do get kinda tired of not posting more than once or twice a month :P.

Tuesday before AC

Tried to pack early, that never works out. Think I had everything I needed, so I went to the first job. Got out of there and threw everything into the car and drove to the second job. Got out thankfully earlier than I was thinking I would, and drove to the bus station.

Now, I'm used to being able to park my car at the Greyhound station and leaving it there for days on end. Obviously, I've made Greyhound trips before...but there are these signs in the parking area that say 20 minute loading zone only...I don't remember these being here. I wander in and ask about long term parking, which comes in the tune of 20 something a night in a nearby garage...not gonna happen :P. I call Tora and ask if he and someone else can pick up my car, which turns into ME leaving the bus terminal to drop it off somewhere else. Whatever I guess..

Wednesday:

Typical Greyhound experience ensues. up to three hours after our schedueled departure time, we left Indy. My dislike of loud and boisterous *removed* was increasingly making the ride difficult, but thankfully I fell asleep somewhere just inside Ohio and woke up JUST as we parked in Pittsburgh...thank goodness. I was told I could 'walk' to the convention center from where I was...but I didn't think doing so with my baggage would be a good or safe idea. It was only a short taxi ride, and I could afford that.

Sadly though, I arived too late to join the convoy of van loaders, so I had literally nothing to do for several hours besides wander around and try to act socially competent...XD. So I sorta chatted with a marine fur, a few others, and 'Bondage Bob' introduced himself to me...I was beginning to wonder if he existed :p. Some people are noted story tellers, but some of the things you tell me are a little over the top. Yet here he is...not every day someone introduces themselves by telling you what their deepest fantasy is x.x; Not a bad guy all around, just a little out there.

So yeah, wandered around, constantly pestered Giza for something to do, saw a few others I could bug for a few minutes at a time, and that was about it until the truck arived. Unloaded, moved boxes around, and helped stuff convention bags. I can't quite remember what I did after that, but I think it involved dinner with Ian and Fishy. Yeah, that must have been Wednesday night, because the rest of my group wasn't here yet, and we roomed with the local Dingo. Chatted a bit with Shale on the way back to the hotel, was good to see him for more than two seconds at a time :).

Thursday:

I think today was spent helping set up, getting shirts folded with the Kage family and other artist ally/con store people. That was my morning at least. I remember wandering the zoo and playing Munchkin with a few Pittsburgh locals. I remember hearing there was a problem with Reg, I remember rains and showers and surprisingly little else. My roomate arived, as did the rest of my IN group. A good night was had by all involved :). I tried to get to the dance that night, but other things held higher priority. Wasn't really able to wander around in the new coat suit thing I'd just got practicly the day before the con. I Do intend on getting more for it along the way to the next convention :P. I think I'd make a good Psycho Mantis ripoff XD

Friday:

Finally, something to do :D. 'Work' was fun and totally easy. I got people to laugh and give me their money, what more could I ask? Grandma Kage's totally the go at it person, and I feel sorry for Grandpa Kage :P, he gets along well enough though. They're both very good humored about everything at least. Checkout procedures for artists in the alley were easy, and I'm glad people were earning money and stuff. After the con was over, just over 40k in sales was done in that area alone...makes ya wonder how the dealers den was doing. Not entirely sure what I did otherwise. Chatted with yet more people. There was a wonderful art show reception I got to attend (yay staff perks). Was really the first and only chance I got to wander around and actually stare at stuff in the show besides running around Saturday and Sunday trying to defend what few bids I felt I could afford XD. Tried to hang out with others, most were understandably busy. I'm not entirely sure what else I did otherwise.

Saturday and Sunday are mostly a blur, as is Monday and the week up to now... But I guess this is what I get for going a week without posting :P. Ate at Fernandos a few times, walked to some chineese place just past that, wasn't so great, but they were Very busy too. Tried to keep things relatively cheap, which is just how the SuperSponsor room seemed to have been run x.x; The two lady's running the place this year just weren't given enough to work with. It's not their fault at all, and I don't like seeing bad things being said about them. The two that usually run the show wouldn't have been able to do any better with what little they were given. Its hard to keep 300 overpaying customers happy when there's no food or drinks to be had. :p.

The SuperSponsor Luncheon and the Staff dinner went rather well. Was able to sit and chat with a few people at each. Hung around after the staff dinner to talk with yet more people. The few parties I attended seemed to have quite a turnout for being as private as they were. Learned I'm still not much interested in alcohol, though I did find two things I do rather like :). I'll have to look for good mulled mead and however you pronounce/spell that other drink I liked. There was a really good bottled Cherry Cola from Wisconsin I thought was pretty good.


Summary:

Looking forward to the next convention, whichever one that might be. Gencon's a possibility, MFF may be too far ahead to look, and our group only has one room right now. I might see about getting a nearby room for friends to stay so they can come and see a convention like that. Just means more out of pocket money for me, and I'm sure I'll make things work if people express an interest soon enough. Would be good to see Jim and a few others, and to drag people like Shaddy or Dane out of hiding :P.

Aftermath:

Most I won't discuss here, it's being dealt with. Post Con Depression? yes, but nothing to do with the con itself :P. AC was a blast (not FCN blast, but up there), and I hope to do most of it all over again in 09 (dear god WHY the 4th of july weekend?...you have to understand...some of us working stiffs CANT get holidays off.)

Not entirely sure what else to blather on about, but I'm not hard to find if something's on your mind :p. The end for now.
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 08:23 pm
vegan ice cream  
I finally (!) bought an ice cream maker.

now all I need are recipes.   Does any one have any favorite recipes?  or could recommend vegan ice cream cookbooks or websites (besides the vegan ice cream blog)?

thnx!
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 06:07 am
subject?  
hey. i'm skye
17 from boston. pre-everything [planning to start T in less than a year, though!]
i'm doing well, how are you all?

i figured i'd post cos the other day i shaved my face out of boredom for the first time
and now it's all prickly
kind of cool
but i don't think it made any difference haha

 
 
06 July 2008 @ 06:07 am
subject?  
hey. i'm skye [again!]
17. trans, from boston. single.. ;] haha
i'm doing pretty good, how bout you?

 
 
06 July 2008 @ 08:08 pm
New England Yearly Meeting  
I keep going back and forth in my mind about attending the New England Yearly meeting sessions in August.  A lot of the programs seem interesting, but 6 days is a long time.  Since I need to make up my mind one way or another soon, I am asking to be spammed with any personal YM experiences.  Good, bad, or indifferent.  Thanks!
 
 
Current Mood: curious
 
 
06 July 2008 @ 05:55 pm
Martin Luther King, Jr. & the Gay Quaker